


Fall In Love With Me Again

by kvhottieOldFics (kvhottie)



Category: Prince of Tennis (TV), Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: Amnesia, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-High School, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-04 17:50:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3077273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kvhottie/pseuds/kvhottieOldFics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Tezuka and Fuji get in an accident, making Fuji forget his romantic relationship with Tezuka, what will Tezuka do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Restart

The road was dark and very few orbs of light skated on the highway. It was a cloudy night; the purple-blue sheets of darkness engulfed the whole town. The music in the black car was muffled by the young couple's arguing. An odd couple they were, at least by society's standards. Two handsome men blessed with intelligence and talent. And one could argue that they were blessed with good luck until this dreadful night. Distracted by the argument he was having with his lover, the hazel eyed man driving didn't notice a truck speeding their way. But just as the truck's white light sucked them in, the car skidded to the left and entered a world of shattered glass and red. The cold wind carried the echoes of the crash along with the distant sound of that truck. The drunken grim reaper had indifferently slipped away without knowing all the things he snatched away from the young couple.

Two pale eyelids open to reveal pacific oceans. The orbs of blue look around the gleaming white room, confusion tinting them. The honey brown haired man sits up, his body feeling heavy and weak. He rakes his mind for reasons for him to be in a hospital room. Just as he starts sliding off the bed, his toes touching the cold blue floor, a doctor and another man walk into the room. They rush to the blue eyed man, saying something about how he shouldn't strain himself.

"Fuji-san, please lay down again." The doctor helps Fuji to the bed.

Fuji sits up, leaning against the bed's backboard, "What happened? Why am I here?"

"Shusuke…you don't remember?" Tezuka cautiously walks to Fuji's side, gently grabbing his hands.

This is the first time Fuji really notices Tezuka; Fuji stares at his relief filled hazel eyes. Fuji moves his hands away from Tezuka's familiar colds ones while shaking his head, "Why are you here Tezuka?"

The dim light in Tezuka's eyes dies down and his face stiffens, "…why are you calling me by my surname?"

"Because that's what I've always called you", Fuji hits the bed softly, "And why am I in a hospital bed?"

Tezuka runs his hand through his hair while sighing, "We were in a car accident."

Fuji's eyes widen, "What?"

The doctor's voice is gently, "Fuji-san, you've been in a coma for the past five months."

"…and? It's not that simple is it?"

Tezuka's hazel eyes meet Fuji's pacific oceans, "How old do you think you are right now?"

Fuji looks down at his hands, "I am eighteen aren't I?"

Tezuka clenches his hands and silently stares up at the ceiling, his face contorted with sadness, "No, you aren't Shusuke."

The doctor touches Fuji's shoulder, "You are twenty-four…it seems you've lost your memories of the past six years."

Fuji laughs nervously, "You're kidding right? I'm supposed to be in my first year of college. Are you saying that I graduated and I don't even remember it?"

The doctor nods, "You hurt your head in the accident and as we predicted you suffered from post-traumatic retrograde amnesia. You will slowly recover some of your memory but the probability of recovering all of your memories is low."

"…"

The doctor gives Fuji and Tezuka a small smile, "Be strong, both of you. It was a horrible accident, you guys should be grateful to be living." He walks to the door, "I'll let you guys talk a bit in private; Tezuka-san you can take Fuji-san home in a few hours."

Tezuka nods, "Thank you for everything."

"My pleasure." The door closes the door behind him.

Fuji clears his throat, "Start talking."

"About what?"

"Explain everything. Why were we in an accident together?"

"We were in the same car."

"Why? You went off to Germany for high school didn't you?"

"I did but we both ended up going to Tokyo U."

"And how was that? Did we have a good time?"

"Yes, we enjoyed our college days."

Fuji's eyes spark with curiosity, "So? Do you know what I was doing after college or where do I live?"

"You are a photographer with your own gallery and studio near our house."

"Our house?"

Tezuka sighs, "We are living together."

Fuji smirks, "Wait, why? I know we were best friends in middle school but you were never the type to room with someone."

Tezuka smiles to himself which surprises Fuji, "You made me into the type that could."

"Really? Why?"

"You ask too many questions."

"This is the last one."

"Because we were lovers, Shusuke."

Fuji's smile drops, "…oh."

Tezuka chuckles bitterly, "Well, we were lovers. I guess we are back to square one."

"I'm sorry."

Tezuka shakes his head, "It's not your fault. It's mine."

"Huh?"

Tezuka walks up to Fuji's bed and pets his head, "No more questions; go to sleep. I'll pick you up at the time they tell me you can leave."

Fuji doesn't understand why his heart skipped a beat when Tezuka touched him. His body remembers another side of Tezuka that his mind can't, his body remembers those cold, gentle hands. Fuji nods and lies down, "Okay."

Tezuka closes the door, leaving Fuji to think about everything he was just told until his mind lullabies him to sleep. Tezuka walks around looking for Fuji's doctor, his face slowly breaking into a pool of worry, sadness, and anger. Tezuka spots the middle aged, black haired doctor.

"Excuse me, doctor?"

"Oh Tezuka-san. Good, I wanted to talk to you."

"Yeah, so did I."

"About Fuji-san's condition?"

"Yes."

"I am sorry that it turned out like this but with patience and time there is hope that he'll recover most of his memories."

"I hope. Will he have any other problems aside from his memory loss?"

"He might. There is a high probability that he'll have very strong headaches by which some of his memories will return to him. I'll prescribe medicine for those headaches. He also may recover his memories through dreams." The doctor sighs and adjusts his glasses, "How he recovers his memories may depend on his emotional state so try your best to keep him calm. I also suggest putting him in therapy to make the process easier."

"Yes, I understand."

"Tezuka-san, you must be very patient. The damage to his brain not only caused amnesia but it also might have caused some personality change. He won't be a totally different person but some things may be different. Also, he is much more prone to depression because of his desire to remember the last six years but his inability to."

"Thank you."

The doctor pats Tezuka on the back, "Well, we only have a few tests to run so pick him up in an hour and a half or so."

"Okay."

Tezuka walks out of the nearest exit and to the hospital parking lot. He can practically walk to the spot his car is in with his eyes closed; he's parked there almost every day for the past five months. His car is now a modest white Honda since his parent-bought Mercedes was destroyed in the accident. He turns off the car alarm and gets in, slowly driving the short distance to his house. He still isn't used to this car; he had just gotten it a few weeks ago since the accident had made him fear driving. He is getting the hang of driving again and his fear has subsided.

Tezuka is grateful that he and Fuji moved to Nagoya a few years ago, driving here is a lot easier than diving in Tokyo. To be specific, their house is in a town named Kisogawa. It's a quiet, simple town with a lot of rice fields and friendly people. Tezuka pulls up into their driveway and walks to the front door.

Tezuka opens the door, making the silver cactus hanging on the house key jingle. These were Fuji's keys; Tezuka carried them around the past few months to have something of Fuji's with him at all times. He won't admit it but he's been lonely-no, more than lonely- these past few months. He'll never tell Fuji about the nights he cried himself to sleep, fearing that he'll never hear Fuji's voice and blaming himself for everything. Tezuka will never tell him that for some time he turned to alcohol but quit in hope of being in his best condition whenever Fuji woke up. He won't tell him about his parents disinheriting him, or the therapy sessions, or his inability to become a professional tennis player. Tezuka doesn't want to cause Fuji any more pain and he is willing to hide anything and hide his own pain for Fuji's sake.

Tezuka takes off his shoes in the genkan, neatly lining them against the wall. He says "tadaima" to an empty house and in his mind plays Fuji's gentle "okaeri". He looks between the brown shoe closets to the right of the genkan. There is a shelf with a picture of Fuji and Tezuka. It was Fuji's favorite picture of them and truthfully, Tezuka liked it as well. It was taken when they visited London. Fuji is hugging Tezuka from behind, his arms around Tezuka's neck and sporting a brilliant smile on his face. Tezuka is slightly smiling, which is not as rare as it was in middle school. He is holding Fuji's hand, the one closest to the camera. Their favorite thing about this otherwise simple photo is that their matching rings are the center of the photo. Those two beautiful silver rings were their equivalent of marriage rings. Tezuka and Fuji didn't need a piece of paper or a ceremony to prove their commitment to each other. They understood they'd be living as a happy couple in this two floor house that is a bit too big for just two people until they grew old. Or that's what they thought before the accident.

Tezuka sighs, "Square one, huh."

He takes the framed photo further into the house. He enters the first room to his right, across the hallway from the stairs, the living room. At the farthest left corner of the living room is the kitchen and the small dining table is on the farthest right corner. He walks along the wall of the room, corner to corner, taking down every photo of them Fuji had put up. Tezuka doesn't want to make Fuji feel pressured by the photos, the events he doesn't remember, or the feelings he no longer feels. After going through out the house collecting photos and photo albums, an arduous task because Fuji is a photographer, Tezuka puts everything in a cardboard box and stores it in the closet of the tatami room on the second floor. He grabs some clothes and shoes for Fuji and walks downstairs, sighing at how bare the walls now look. Tezuka checks his watch and steps down to the genkan to put on his shoes. He takes Fuji's keys, locks the house, and gets in his car.

"Okay he's set to go. I prescribed medicine for him to take. His legs will fully recover in a few days; just have him take it easy. Are you sure you don't want a wheel chair?"

Fuji nods, "I'm sure."

Tezuka looks at Fuji; the clothes that used to fit him perfectly were now loose on his body. Tezuka puts Fuji's arm around his neck and holds Fuji's waist, "Bear with it until we get in the car."

"Yeah, thank you for all of this."

They slowly make their way out of the hospital and to the car. Tezuka helps Fuji to the passenger seat and buckles him in. Fuji laughs at how motherly his actions are. Tezuka closes Fuji's door and sits in the diver seat, closing his door and buckling in.

"I don't allow music…or talking while I'm driving."

Fuji raises an eyebrow, "Why?"

"You don't have to know."

"It's related to the accident isn't it?" Fuji turns towards Tezuka, "I hate how you are keeping things hidden from me."

Tezuka turns on the car, "Both those things distract me and I don't want to repeat what happened on that day. I don't want to put you through that again."

"Why are you so concerned over me?"

Tezuka looks into Fuji's eyes, "Because I love you Shusuke and I am planning to make you fall in love with me again."


	2. Filling Blanks

Fuji's at loss at what to say for a brief moment, being pulled in by the abyss of Tezuka's hazel eyes. He forces his glance away from the passionate orbs and laughs nervously, "What an ambitious goal, Tezuka."

Tezuka sighs, "Yes, very ambitious. Even in the past you were quite the difficult one."

Fuji nods, as if he can picture the past Fuji Tezuka is talking about. But he can't. And at every mention of his past self, a knife is pushed deeper into the pit of his stomach. The questions slice through his mind like a steak knife through steak. How was he before the accident? Was the past Fuji better from what he is now and can he ever revert back to how he was? Why did this have to happen to him? He has lost six previous years of his life and has to struggle to get them back!

There is a drumming pain marching from the back of his head to the front, stomping dents along the way. The pain grows stronger, an army of marchers sending unbearable bolts of pain through Fuji's brain. Fuji grips his head and bends over, squeezing his eyes shut while hoping that the pain would subside. Tezuka places his hand on Fuji's back, his voice oozing with worry. But Fuji can't hear anything and can't feel anything aside from the pain in his head. Hot tears run down Fuji's face as the pain escalates but then the pain disappears, a nuclear wipe out of all the marchers that only leaves a smoky white fog in his head.

_Fuji lies on his side on a plain bed with the sheet up to his waist. Tezuka comes out of the bathroom half dressed, his chest exposed. Fuji rests his head on his propped up arm and watches Tezuka gets closer to give him a kiss on the forehead._

_"Shusuke, you should head home. You still have a few last edits to do to your final photography project, right?"_

_Fuji sighs, "Yeah I do. I am glad I finished my thesis ages ago."_

_"Me too."_

_Fuji sits up, "I can't believe we are going to graduate next week…everything has passed by in a flash."_

_Tezuka nods, "It's been a good four years though."_

_"It has but now we'll see each other less."_

_"About that…"_

_Fuji wraps the sheet around his waist, "What?"_

_Tezuka takes a folder out of a drawer and gives it to Fuji, "Surprise."_

_Fuji opens the folder and sees a printout of the layout of a house, "What is this?"_

_Tezuka smiles gently, "Do you want to move to Nagoya and live with me?"_

_Fuji jumps up and hugs Tezuka, giving him a sweet kiss on the lips, "Kunimitsu! Of course I will!"_

The fog disappears after revealing a piece of Fuji's past and Fuji slowly opens his eyes, sitting up in a daze. Tezuka's worried questions are now audible and Fuji slowly turns to face him, hot tears still flowing down his face. Tezuka uses his thumb to wipe away the tears and waits for this delicate glass doll to speak.

"…I remembered something."

Tezuka pushes Fuji's bangs out of his face, letting his hand fall gently onto Fuji's shoulder, "The doctor said that you would remember things either through painful headaches or through dreams."

"Yeah, he told me that as well. He said it all depends on my mood."

Tezuka pulls his hand away and grips the steering wheel, "So what did you remember?"

Fuji rests his head on the back of the seat with a sigh, "The time when you asked me to move to Nagoya and live with you."

Tezuka can't help but smile, "…yeah. I remember that."

Fuji glances at Tezuka, admiring his reaction, "I could sense how happy we were from the flashback."

"We were happy but the past has nothing to do with our current situation."

Fuji crosses his arms and looks out the window, "It does though."

"It doesn't. Just focus on recovering and falling in love with me, then we can be happy as we once were."

Fuji laughs bitterly, "Bold words. You make it sound easier than it is."

They drive in absolute silence, only the humming of the car fills the air. Fuji watches houses and trees pass by, observing everything intently in order to get familiar with his town again. Tezuka parks the car, turns it off, and walks to Fuji's side to help him out. They slowly walk to the house and Tezuka opens the door, helping Fuji inside and up the stairs to their bedroom. He lays Fuji on the blue quilted bed, placing the quilt over him.

Fuji laughs, "You would be a good mother."

"Very funny Shusuke."

"I mean it as a compliment, truly."

Tezuka sighs and walks to the dresser, picking up a few things, "You are to stay in this room until your legs regain strength. If you need anything, just ask me. This is your room. At night, I'll be sleeping in the tatami room next door."

Fuji looks around the room and notices a night stand on both sides of the bed, the one farthest from him stacked with books and the one nearest him over crowded with sketch pads and a cacti themed tissue box. "This used to be our room, right?"

Tezuka stops for a brief moment, "It was. But I don't want to make you uncomfortable. " He takes his things and walks out of the room. After setting the things he picked up from the dresser down by the futon in the tatami room, Tezuka slowly walks downstairs. He heads to the black telephone near his desktop and dials a phone number from memory.

"Hello?"

"Yoshiko-san?"

"Kunimitsu-kun! We haven't heard from you in a while, how is Shusuke?"

"I have good news; he woke up and was discharged from the hospital."

Tezuka can hear the woman's voice shake, "Really? We'll be there in at most two hours; we will take the shinkansen as soon as possible!"

"I'll see you soon then, we have something to talk about when you guys get here."

"Thank you, bye."

Tezuka sighs deeply; all of this is taking a toll on his mood. He just wants to sleep and wake up to the perfect world of his past, where neither Fuji nor he was jaded or incomplete. He wants to hug Fuji, kiss him, make him his again-but he can't. It's true that he has accepted this reality, accepted the responsibility and pain. He is determined to struggle to piece his life together again, but there are just some things that are gone forever. Tezuka grips his left arm until his hand print decorates his skin.

He walks to the kitchen and puts a pot of water to simmer. After finding a box of chicken noodle soup, he drops the contents into the simmering pot, adds a dash of wasabi, and lets it cook. He takes a wooden tray from a cabinet near the sink and places a bowl of the soup and a cup of warm green tea on it. He also cuts up an apple and puts it in a small bowl since Fuji loves apples. He carefully takes the tray of food up to their bedroom, knocking, and entering after Fuji gives permission.

"I made you something. You are hungry, right?"

Fuji puts the book he is reading to the side, "Yeah, I am."

Tezuka walks to Fuji's side and hands him the tray, "I would make a more fulfilling meal but the doctor told me you should only eat light things for the first few days."

Fuji shakes his head, "This is fine, thank you. You even gave me apples; it feels as if it's been a life time since I last ate them."

Tezuka notices the book Fuji is reading is one of his, "Do you still enjoy classical literature?"

Fuji looks down at the brown book, "I don't know, I just opened the book and was drawn to the words."

"It's because you only started loving classical literature in college. You used to be my favorite person to talk about classical literature to…you can't remember that you love it but you do."

Fuji traces the title with his fingers, "So are these yours? I guess you are still the bookworm you used to be when we were in middle school."

Tezuka chuckles, "I'm worse than I used to be. When you regain strength in your legs I'll show you my collection. Those books on that table are just books I use for the classes I teach."

Fuji's looks up at Tezuka, wide-eyed, "You are a teacher?"

Tezuka sighs, "A professor to be specific. I teach classic literature at Nagoya University."

"But I thought you were planning to become a professional tennis player? What happened?"

Tezuka's expression stiffens, "Life happened. Well, your family is on their way over here." He looks at his watch, "They'll be here in about an hour. You can help yourself to those books as you wait."

Fuji nods, "Are you going somewhere?"

"No, I am just going to take a nap."

"I see…well enjoy your nap."

"Enjoy your food." Tezuka leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

Fuji looks at the tray of food, a small smile gracing his tired face. Even though he isn't used to it, he thinks it is sweet that Tezuka spoils him so much. He takes the silver spoon and drinks some of the soup's broth; he can taste a hint of wasabi. He loves that Tezuka made sure to add that hint of wasabi he knows Fuji would appreciate and the apples that Fuji loves. But his love scrapes at Fuji's core and with every action of love Fuji feels more useless. He feels like a villain, how is it possible that he forgot a love as pure as theirs? Fuji eats an apple piece deep in thought. He wants to love Tezuka, to regain the love he had once had for him, but his mind is preoccupied with regaining the memories he's lost. In order to regain the steps he took to this point; his current self isn't moving forward. Like the king while in checkmate.

Fuji finishes his meal, drinking his green tea last. He puts the tray to the side and picks up the brown book again, continuing reading from where he left off. The book was in good condition, a darkish brown with crisp pages. It read "Genji Monogatari" on the hard cover and was quite big, much bigger than books you would normally find in book stores. Just as Fuji was about to let himself get lost in the world of Genji there is a knock on his door. Fuji says 'enter' and a quite a few people come rushing towards his bed.

Yoshiko hugs him tightly, as if she were never going to let him go, with tears running down her face. Yumiko comes around the bed, getting on it and hugging him from the opposite side. Yuuta watches the scene with relief filled eyes.

"Shusuke. My dear Shusuke!" Yoshiko caresses his face, "You don't know how agonizing these past months have been."

Yumiko runs her hand through his hair, "We've missed you so much."

Fuji smiles gently, "I'm sorry…"

Yuuta laughs, holding back tears, "Don't ever scare us like that again you idiot."

Fuji nods, "I won't, I promise."

Yumiko holds Fuji's hand, "…we heard about your memory from Kunimitsu."

Fuji glances at Tezuka who was standing by the door and back at his family, "Yeah."

Yoshiko pats Fuji's cheek, "Don't worry honey, it'll all come back with time! Don't get impatient."

"I'll try not to."

Yuuta sits on a corner of the bed, "We couldn't get in touch with Dad because he's working in London again. But he'll be relieved to know you are okay."

"I'll make sure to go visit when he comes back to Japan."

Yumiko faces Tezuka, "Thank you for keeping us updated all these months, Kunimitsu-kun. I know it's been hard on you."

Tezuka shakes his head, smiling slightly, "It's only natural I would. Well I'll leave you guys to talk among yourselves; I have a class I have to teach."

Yoshiko nods, "Go with care."

After Tezuka leaves Yumiko turns to their mother, "I had forgotten Tezuka became a professor at Nagoya U."

"Yeah, so had I. He started a few months ago…its quite sad."

Fuji looks at his mother, "Why is it sad? Do you guys know why he stopped aiming to be a pro tennis player?"

Yuuta's eyes widen, "He didn't tell you?"

"No, he has barely told me anything."

Yoshiko caresses Fuji's hand, "His left arm was extremely injured in the accident; they had to almost reconstruct it completely. It's useless now; he has only minimal feeling in that arm and can't put much stress on it. That accident took away his dream of being a pro, Shusuke."


	3. The Forgotten

Fuji shakes his head, laughing nervously, "That's not true right? No way…can that be true."

Yumiko gives Fuji a worried look, "Shusuke, it is true."

"But he's Tezuka; he was supposed to dominate the world of tennis. We all believed that. He believed that."

Yoshiko tucks a strand of Fuji's hair behind his ear, "But darling, this accident changed a lot of things."

Fuji looks up at his mother a bit franticly, "But he can still play with his right hand, right? Of course it'll take time but I am sure his right could be as good as his left; after all in high school he used them both. He still has hope!"

Yuuta shakes his head, "I already told him that. He won't listen."

"Why? It's his dream; it's the dream we all looked up to. We all, no, I had faith he would do what none of us in Seigaku would be able to do."

Yoshiko caresses her son's cheek in an attempt to calm him down, "Shusuke, listen. Kunimitsu-kun said that if god took away his ability to play tennis than that's how it's supposed to be. He said it was his payment in order to save you from his stupid mistake."

Yumiko smiles gently, "He loves you Shusuke. I've never seen someone love so whole heartedly like he does. He won't return to tennis because he knows how much training he'd have to go through and that training would keep him away from you. He does not want to leave you alone and he wants the stable salary tennis does not really offer."

Fuji shakes his head and covers his ears, "Stop! Just stop. I can't love him like he loves me anymore! I've forgotten."

Yoshiko pets Fuji's head, "Darling, nothing that happens is ever forgotten. I trust that you'll remember everything. There is no way that what you two had could be erased that easily."

Yuuta nods, "You will definitely get your memories back nii-san!"

Yumiko kisses Fuji on the forehead, "Just take it easy, okay Shusuke? It'll come to you, be patient."

Fuji nods, "I know…"

Yoshiko claps happily, "Well, do you want us to help you? Even though Tezuka doesn't want to tell you anything about you guys' private affairs, we would love to tell you about anything you did with us!"

Yuuta smiles, "Yes, we'd love to help! Well…only if you want to us to."

Fuji looks up at his brother; Yuuta is older than he remembers. But considering he has lost six years of his memory, it makes sense. Yuuta's hair is still styled like it was when he was in middle school but his face is now much more mature and handsome. "I'd love that."

Yumiko clears her throat, "Let's start with me; I got married!"

Fuji's eyes widen, "What? With who? When?"

Yumiko puts a finger on her lips while thinking, "Hmm…maybe three years ago? Around the time you graduated. My husband's name is Seji and he's a doctor. You met him a few times but…"

Fuji runs his hand through his silky hair, "Yeah, I don't remember."

Yoshiko holds Fuji's hand and gives it a slight squeeze, "But you will eventually."

They talk, talk, and talk for so long that Fuji loses track of how much time passes by. He is happy to be told everything he missed, more accurately, everything he has forgotten. But it sounds like they are talking about another person's life, another Fuji, someone else's story. He forces himself to smile in front of them, to pretend that all this knowledge only brings him happiness. But it doesn't, it's a double edged sword. Although he is happy to know, he also despises himself for not already knowing; for not remembering everything on his own. And he wonders which method hurts less, Tezuka's or his families? Would he rather know nothing and be tortured by the unknown until he discovers it himself? Or would he rather know everything without working for it, despising his inability to remember everything through his own efforts?

"Shusuke, are you listening?" his mother questions.

Fuji smiles weakly, "Yeah I am. I just feel a bit tired."

Yoshiko nods, "I'm sorry that we've been yapping away for so long. We should have let you rest."

Fuji shakes his head, "No, thank you. Really."

There is a knock at the door and Yumiko calls out an 'enter'. Tezuka walks in, his hazel eyes softening a bit at the familial sight before him. "It's good that you guys are still here. You are welcome to stay, you know."

Yoshiko stands up, "Oh no, we can't intrude like that. I'm assured that my son is well taken care of here, so I can leave in peace."

Yumiko smiles, "We were just leaving anyhow. Fuji is tired so we would like to let him rest."

Yuuta hugs Fuji, "We'll see you soon, okay? When you get better make sure to visit. And don't be a stranger, call and text me."

Fuji laughs lightly, "I like this affectionate Yuuta; I should get hurt more often."

Yumiko glares at Fuji, "Hey! Don't say that." She hugs him and gives him a kiss on cheek, "Just like Yuuta said, stay in touch. And have faith."

Yoshiko's eyes fill with sadness but she smiles the smile that Fuji had inherited from her, "You'll be fine honey. Just trust your heart, okay?"

Fuji hugs his mother, feeling the sense of safety a little boy usually feels in his mother's arms, "I'll try mom. I love you."

The family leaves the room after a few more goodbyes and Tezuka walks them to the door, "Thank you for coming."

Yoshiko pats Tezuka's face gently, "Endure Kunimitsu-kun; please don't give up on him."

He gives her a small smile, "Of course I won't. I never will."

She nods, "It does me good to hear you say that. Well, take care."

Tezuka closes the door and leans on it, heaving a deep sigh. Truthfully, he is scared of being alone with Fuji. All the months without Fuji by his side has made him famished. But even though Fuji has finally returned to him, Tezuka can't allow himself to even put one finger on him. This Fuji is not the Fuji that loved Tezuka unconditionally; this Fuji isn't ready for Tezuka's love. So he will control himself. He will control this growing desire until he can reclaim Fuji's heart.

Tezuka slowly walks up the stairs and knocks lightly on Fuji's door, "May I come in?"

"…Yeah."

Tezuka walks into the room and closes the door behind him, leaning on it. He was starting to develop a habit of not getting closer than ten feet to Fuji whenever possible. It was for Fuji's safety after all; if Tezuka gets too close his desires might take control of him. "Did you enjoy your family's visit?"

Fuji lies sideways on the bed, his back towards Tezuka, "Yeah. It was nice."

Tezuka looks at the floor, there was obvious tension between them, "That's good. What did you guys talk about?"

"They just filled me in on family related things that I've forgotten."

"I see…well, you should rest. I don't want to bother you any longer. Just call me if you need anything."

"Tezuka…" Fuji sits up on the bed, turning to face him.

"Yes?"

Fuji's face showed an indecipherable mix of emotions, "Why didn't you tell me you can't use your left arm anymore?"

Tezuka's facial expression stiffens, "Did your family tell you?"

"Answer the question."

"Because it was not relevant or necessary to tell you. It doesn't matter."

Fuji scoffs," It doesn't matter? It doesn't matter? How can you tell me that losing your lifelong dream doesn't matter?"

Tezuka sighs and looks away from Fuji's sadden eyes, "…it mattered for a while but it doesn't anymore. I've come to terms with it and I am done being depressed."

"So you'll just give up that easily?"

"It wasn't easy but yes, I have given up the dream. I am perfectly satisfied with the job I have now."

Fuji hits the bed, "But you still have a chance! You have your right arm Tezuka!"

Tezuka raises his voice, his anger on the sore subject obvious in his eyes, "No! I won't leave you alone again. I won't let this career get in between us once more!"

Fuji shakes his head and screams at full volume, "I didn't ask you to love me! Why are you doing this when you know I can't love you the same way I did anymore! Just leave me. Stop giving things up for me Tezuka!"

Tezuka's hazel eyes slightly widen at Fuji's words. He looks away to hide his pain contorted expression and balls his hands into fists to try to control his voice, "…I won't leave you. I'll wait, no matter how long it takes, until you love me again."

"…You stubborn idiot" Fuji throws a pillow at Tezuka, "You stupid stubborn fool!" Burning hot tears run down Fuji's face, "You only make me feel guilty…stop it. Please." He knew he was a mess but he couldn't control his emotions. It seemed that the accident had also taken away the façade he worked so hard to perfect since he was young.

Tezuka approaches Fuji cautiously, gently petting his honey brown hair. He slightly kneels on the bed and embraces the frantic Fuji. Fuji doesn't turn away from the loving gesture; he needs some sort of support and sweetness to hold on to in this bitter time of his life. He buries his face into Tezuka's chest and cries while his fingers cling to the back of Tezuka's light blue sweater. Tezuka just holds him in silence. He was trying to prevent Fuji from falling apart; trying to hold together his broken glass doll.

After a while Fuji rubs his eyes, "I'm fine now."

Tezuka lets go of him, "Sorry for embracing you so suddenly."

"It was comforting…"

"I'm glad. Well, I'll leave you alone now. Go to sleep; you need your rest," Tezuka pets Fuji's head one last time.

Tezuka turns to leave but Fuji holds on to the sleeve of his sweater, "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, just take your time." Tezuka walks to the door, pausing for a moment, "Good night Shusuke" and closes it behind him.

Fuji watches the door close and sighs, throwing himself back on his bed. He looks up at the plain white ceiling while thinking over everything Tezuka had just said. Something stands out in his memory of the conversation. " _I won't let this career get in between us once more!_ " "That means that his tennis career got in between us before doesn't it?" Fuji mumbles to himself. He wraps himself in his covers and turns to his side, letting sleep take over him.

_I won't let this career get in between us once more!_

_I won't let this career get in between us once more!_

_"I won't let this career get in between us!"Tezuka says while staring at the dark road in front of them._

_Fuji sighs and squeezes Tezuka's shoulder lovingly, "It's not getting between us Kunimitsu. You know I love how passionate you are over your career._

_Tezuka's grip on the steering wheel tightens, "It is getting between us. I am always going somewhere so I am never around when you need me. I want to spend more time with you and going with you to Brazil for your photo shoot is a perfect time to do that."_

_"But you can't come! You have to go to the US Open!"_

_"That is going to be a yearlong commitment Shusuke! My trainer said that after the open I'd have to stay to train in America and to raise my popularity or something."_

_Fuji rolls his eyes, "You are being stubborn Kunimitsu! You already won the Australia Open, French Open, and Wimbledon! All you have left is the US Open and you can take the Grand Slam title!"_

_"I don't care. I can always try to win next year. You are more important to me!"_

_"I am happy for that sentiment but I'll always be around, this chance won't! What if you can't win it next year? You are so close yet you want to quit now?"_

_Tezuka groans, "It's not quitting, it's prioritizing. This Brazil project is a huge chance for you Shusuke; you'll be working with world famous models and with very well known photographers. And I want to be there to see you shine. You've seen me play plenty of times yet I haven't once seen you do your job!"_

_"But you'll have plenty of chances to see me do my job."_

_"And I'll have plenty of chances to win the Grand Slam."_

_Fuji slams his hand on the dashboard, "Listen Kunimitsu, I know you are an amazing tennis player, but you never know when an even greater tennis player comes along and blocks your chance from winning that title. You need to grab it as fast as you can."_

_"It doesn't matter if I can't win it in the future. Just as long as I get close and am still playing tennis, it is fine."_

_"What about your fans? Are you going to let down the people cheering for you?"_

_Tezuka sighs deeply, "Why won't you let me put you first on my priorities list for once?"_

_Fuji fully opens his eyes to reveal pacific blue orbs, "Because I don't want you to regret Kunimitsu!"_

_"I won't regret, Shusuke! If it has anything to do with you, I know I won't regret!"_

_And that is the last thing they say that night. As if timed by the witch that is fate, a bright white light engulfs them and before Fuji has the chance to scream 'watch out', everything turns black._


	4. Our Past

Fuji wakes up with a tear stained face and his body drenched in cold sweat. His pacific blue orbs stare at the ceiling as if looking for answers. His mind plays the nightmare that he had last night. 'Wasn't that a memory?' he ponders. It felt real, so real that his body can still feel remnants of the blue bolts of energy that ran through him last night. He pushes his honey brown hair out of his eyes and sighs; he was sure that the nightmare he had last night was a piece of his memory. That was the moment that changed their lives. And to think that the last thing they did before crashing was argue. A soft knock echoes in the sunlight bathed room.

"Enter."

Tezuka comes in with the usually silver tray in his hands. As he walks over to Fuji his hazel eyes widen, "Shusuke, you are drenched in sweat! Are you okay?"

Fuji gives him a small nod, "I'm fine. I just had a nightmare."

Tezuka sets the tray on top of the nightstand, "It must have been scary for you to wake up like this. Do you want to take a bath before eating?"

"No it's fine. I'll eat then shower."

"Okay then; I'll go prepare the bath."

"Tezuka."

Tezuka's eyes meet Fuji's blue orbs, "Yes?"

Fuji pats the bed, "Come here…"

Tezuka sits down, "What's wrong?"

"My nightmare was actually a memory I recovered."

"Really? What was it?"

Fuji plays with the quilt, "I remembered the moments before the accident."

Tezuka's eyes narrow, "So you now remember what we were arguing about?"

Fuji nods, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I was being so stubborn."

Tezuka sighs, "So was I. I'm just happy that I've been given the chance to tell you I love you again."

"I'll try harder…to be the Fuji that I used to be."

Tezuka smiles gently, cupping Fuji's chin, "You don't have to be anything but your current self. Don't force it. I'm happy just being by your side."

Fuji shakes his head, "I just wish you would realize that you deserve more than that."

Tezuka tucks a strand of honey brown hair behind Fuji's ear, "And I wish you would realize your worth."

"But I can't love you like I did before Tezuka. I'm incomplete. I'm still stuck in the past and I don't think I can focus on anything until I feel complete again; until I get my memories back."

"You don't have to love me like before. Just as long as you love me, you can do it anyway your present self wants to." Tezuka softly rubs Fuji's cheek with his thumb, "I told you I'll wait until you are ready."

Fuji looks away, "But what if I never get all my memories back?"

"That is my question to you. I am in love with any form of you and just as long as you keep me by your side…even as a friend, I am happy. But what do you think you'll do in the future? Will you continue dwelling on the past?"

"I don't know. Maybe I will or maybe by that time I'll be satisfied with just your love."

"I like that second option better."

Fuji leans forward, a few centimeters away from Tezuka,"…you know, my body remembers your touch. Every time you touch me my skin tingles."

"Shusuke. Stop."

"May I kiss you?"

"You don't have to force your-

Fuji cuts Tezuka off by closing the distance between them. He kisses Tezuka as if it is their first time; their lips slowly and gently move together. Tezuka balls his hands into fists, fighting the hunger and lust that was trying to take over him. Fuji deepens the kiss, the accident might have caused him to forget his love for Tezuka but his body still desires him. It seems that the accident couldn't erase all of Fuji's love for Tezuka for desire is as much a part of love as the rest of what makes it up. Fuji's curious tongue plays with Tezuka's hesitant one while Fuji rakes his hand though Tezuka's hair. Their tongues dance the tango they are so familiar with. Fuji breaks the kiss, panting softly while he thinks about what he just did. It is like his body moves on its own, his desire controlling it.

Tezuka's eyes lock in with Fuji's and they stare at each other, trying to convey something they themselves did not understand. Tezuka looks down at the floor, "Sorry", and stands up.

Fuji holds on to his hand, "Why? Why are you apologizing? I started it!"

"But that is because you pity me don't you? You feel like it is your duty to do things like this. I don't want to force you into anything."

Fuji lets go of Tezuka's hand, "That's not why-

"Look. I want to but I can't do this; not until you feel the same for me. I can wait so don't push yourself for me." Tezuka walks to the door, "I'll go prepare your bath now."

Fuji watches the door close and listens to Tezuka's footsteps getting farther away. He sighs and throws himself back on his bed, "Idiot! Listen to me once in a while why don't you?"

He looks over at the nightstand and smiles, sitting up and putting the tray on his lap. Tezuka had prepared an American breakfast; pancakes, eggs, fruit, and yogurt. It is Fuji's favorite breakfast. Fuji eats while he waits for Tezuka to come get him for the bath. By the time the bath is ready, Fuji has already finished his delicious breakfast.

Tezuka starts to carry Fuji but Fuji stops him, "Wait. I want to see if my legs have recovered some strength."

Fuji lets one of his pale slender feet touch the cool wooden floor and then the other. He pushes himself up using the bed and takes a few steps. After all this time without walking the act feels strange to him and he feels like a toddler learning how to walk. Fuji only makes it a few steps before his legs start wobbling and his knees give out. Tezuka catches him before he falls to the floor, whispering 'good job' before helping him down the stairs.

"This is the warm water and this is the cold water. The rest you should be able to figure out."

"Yeah, thank you."

After Tezuka closes the clear bathroom door behind him, Fuji undresses and turns on the warm water. He lets the water rain on him, making his brown hair turn a shade darker. He washes his hair and then his body with Tezuka's mountain breeze body soap. "I smell like him now."

After cleaning himself up he enters the warm bath, his muscles loosing up from the warmth. He rests his head on the part of the bathtub behind him and closes his eyes. He ponders for a while, thinking about what he is going to do from now on. Should he give himself some more time before going back to work? Should he clarify to Tezuka why he kissed him or just leave it as it is. He decides to avoid telling Tezuka that he had not lost his desire for him. "Tezuka would just say that he can't do anything until I love him" he mumbles to himself.

Fuji gets out of the bath after the water loses its warmth. He dries himself and puts on the boxer and pajamas Tezuka set out for him; it seems Tezuka isn't planning to let Fuji out of the house any time soon. He is able to walk out of the bathroom and to the living room doorframe; leaning on it to try to prevent himself from falling.

"Ne Tezuka, I'm done."

Tezuka stops washing the dishes and dries his hands, "I see you made it all the way here. I am sure you'll be able to walk soon."

Fuji sighs, letting Tezuka help him up the stairs, "I hope. I am tired of not being able to go anywhere by myself."

Tezuka sets him down on the bed, "Just put up with it for a little longer."

Fuji passes his fingers over the intricate black watch on Tezuka's left wrist, "This is beautiful. You treasure it don't you? You haven't taken it off even for a second."

Tezuka quickly moves his arm away, holding the watch somewhat protectively, "It is water proof so I don't have to take it off. And it was given to me by you, for our first anniversary."

Fuji ignores Tezuka's peculiar response and just nods, "I see." He forces a smile, "I sure have good taste."

"You do."

Tezuka runs his hand through his hair; it was getting long, "I need to go to work now so entertain yourself with the books on the nightstand or the television. Just don't go exploring around."

"Sounds so fun" Fuji says sarcastically.

"Just a bit longer, I promise." Tezuka ruffles Fuji's hair and leaves; the house door closing a few minutes later.

"Just don't go exploring around he says?" Fuji speaks to an empty room, "What is he hiding?" He smirks, a curious glint in his pacific blue eyes. He gets out of bed and slowly walks to the door, his beige pajamas slightly dragging on the floor. He clings to the doorframe and slowly makes it to the tatami room next door. Fuji's legs give out and he lies on the floor watching the sunlight draw patterns on the wooden closet in the room. He takes in a deep breath; it smells like mountain breeze body soap and Tezuka's favorite cologne. That he is able to pick up Tezuka's scent makes Fuji slightly blush. Little by little he is starting to notice that the accident might have just taken away the memory of his love for Tezuka, not the love itself.

"Tezuka sleeps here."

Fuji rolls on the floor before sitting up and looking around the plain room. What was he expecting to find anyway? He knows Tezuka is hiding things from him but is this really the way to find out? Fuji kicks his legs in the air while shaking his head. "Whatever. It is his fault for not telling me anything. He pushed me to snoop around." He crawls over to the closet, pushing the sliding door to the right. The closet is filled with containers of art supplies, old clothes, and quilts. Fuji notices a big black box hidden below a spare futon.

He opens the box to find it filled with framed photos and other items. He takes out the first photo he sees. It is a photo of Tezuka's profile and the settings sun is behind his somewhat shadowed figure. The picture makes Fuji smile; he knew he had taken this picture. It seems that his artistic taste and methods haven't changed much in these five years. He carefully takes out every photo and examines it, hoping to learn something from what they show. He sees their graduation photo, birthday photos, and many other photos that Fuji assumes were previously hanging around the house. Why did Tezuka take all of these down he asks himself. Was it to protect him? To hide the true Fuji from this empty shell's eyes?

The last picture in the box draws Fuji in. He gently traces the carvings on the silver frame and passes his hand over the picture. It is a picture of Tezuka and himself; he is hugging Tezuka from behind and they are wearing matching rings while brilliant smiles grace their faces. "They look so happy…" Fuji's face contorts with sadness when he realizes that he referred to the people in the picture as 'they'. It is true. He, an empty shell, has no right to say that he is the radiant Fuji in this picture. That Fuji died in the accident. He rubs his teary eyes, he wasn't about to allow himself to cry. He had to be stronger, if not for himself then for Tezuka.

He notices there is one last thing in the box, a stack of envelopes held together by a rubber band. Fuji examines the stack and notices that they are all addressed to him. He picks the top envelope and takes the handwritten letter out, his eyes widening, "…what is this?"


	5. Scar

Fuji holds his breath as he reads the letter; he is scared of what is written in it.

_Dear Shusuke,_

_I woke up in a hospital today and you are not beside me but are in a coma somewhere else. It's all my fault Shusuke. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know you won't be able to forgive me but when you wake up I promise to love you even more than I had before. My tired mind keeps thinking about the last time I said I love you. I cried, I'll never tell you that but I did. From guilt and love, it's all my fault that you are in a coma, I'm sorry. I also found out that I won't be playing tennis anymore since my left arm is destroyed. I don't know why but the bad news seems dull and unimportant compared to the news of you being in a coma. I'd give up all my limbs just to have you open your eyes to show me the blue orbs I fell in love with. I'm sorry, this is all my fault. Wake up Shusuke, I'm waiting for you._

_-Kunimitsu._

Fuji watches a few tear drops seep in the wrinkled paper before attempting to dry his eyes. But the tears won't stop. He hadn't even thought about how painful it was for Tezuka those five months. Tezuka was alone and blamed himself every day. The Fuji he is now doesn't understand this weak side to Tezuka like his old self did. Fuji has forgotten all the moments Tezuka opened his heart to him or showed him his fragile side. So obviously a letter so uncharacteristically weak, repentant, and hopeless surprises him. It hurts to read these letters and Fuji's tears won't stop overflowing but he continues. He feels as if he can learn more about Tezuka through these scraps of paper that he has tried so hard to hide. Fuji wants to know more, to relearn everything he has forgotten.

The next few letters are about Tezuka's stay in the hospital, the weather, his guilt, and various other things but they always end with 'wake up Shusuke, I'm waiting for you'. And he waits and waits; with every letter his despair becomes more obvious. His apologies take up more and more of each letter. After the third month into Fuji's coma one of his letters starts with:

_I've turn to alcohol Shusuke. I just don't know how else to make your absence less painful. I want to numb myself and forget all this guilt, unbelievable right? It's unbelievable that I, Tezuka Kunimitsu, would succumb to alcohol. I'm losing my way Shusuke, I'm sorry._

Fuji inhales deeply and again wipes at his tear stained eyes. The sky is turning dark outside, "How long have I been reading?" he mumbles to the empty room. Fuji promises himself that the next one would be the last. Tezuka would be infuriated if he found out that Fuji had read these letters. The first line of this letter, written in shakier handwriting than the rest, makes Fuji's breath catch. His hands tremble as he reads the letter.

_Dear Shusuke,_

_Today I again woke up at a hospital; I had tried to kill myself. It was stupid of me Shusuke. I almost broke my promise to you. I promised to wait for you, right? I'm sorry that I lost hope; I'll try to hang in here. I miss you Shusuke and I don't know how I'll continue enduring your absence. Silence has never been so damn loud. But I'm happy that I wasn't successful at killing myself. I had tried to cut my wrist but your mother found me. I've been so careless recently and I had left my house door open. I thank god, if there is one, for my carelessness. Had she not walked in and found me in the bathroom, I would have broken my promise to you. I'm sorry Shusuke. This will be my last letter to you. I'll stop relying on you; I need to move on, on my own. Wake up Shusuke, I'm waiting for you._

_-Kunimitsu_

Fuji buries his head in his knees, letting the tears freefall and seep into his pajamas. After a few minutes of releasing all the stress and pain the letters had cause in his heart, he gathers them and puts them back in the box. He gently passes his hand over the box, puts it back in its place, and closes the closet door. He stands up and uses the walls for support to make it to his room, clumsily walking from the door to his bed. He lands with a thump and sighs loudly; he can't get what is written in the letters out of his head. Fuji hears the front door open and he sighs with relief, had he spent a few more minutes reading the letters he would have been caught. He picks up the huge, brown hard-covered book again and fakes to read. His heartbeat is thumping at a ridiculously fast rate, possibly from guilt or even from curiosity. What would Tezuka do if he found out that Fuji read his letters?

Tezuka opens the room door, his voice softly swimming through the air, "Shusuke. I'm home"

Fuji looks up from the book, trying to stop the memory of the letters from making him act strangely, "Welcome back."

Tezuka sits by the edge of the bed, "Are you hungry?"

Fuji averts his eyes from Tezuka's gentle ones; he couldn't get the letters out of his head. He is so tempted to bring it up, even if it angers Tezuka. He wants to know more about him, he wants to see him angry, happy, weak, disappointed, everything. He wonders from where this desire comes from. "A little."

Tezuka gives him a small smile, "Okay, I'll prepare you something; how does curry sound?"

Fuji plays with the quilt, "Sounds good."

Tezuka ruffles the brunette's hair, "Is something wrong Shusuke?"

Fuji meets Tezuka's hazel eyes with his saddened blue ones. "This is nice…sweet even, but it's superficial. This relationship we have now is so shallow."

Tezuka sighs, "... I know, but we are working on it; with time it'll all work out."

"You always say that, but even with time, if you don't tell me anything we are not going to get any closer! This distance we have isn't being kept by me Tezuka, you are the one pulling away every time I get close!"

"I want you to remember everything on your own..."

"I know you do, and that is fine, but why don't you ever talk about yourself? The troubles you went through while I was in the coma? Tezuka, stop bottling things up, lean on me a bit. Or am I that untrustworthy?"

"Troubles? What do you mean?"

Fuji gently passes his hand over the Tezuka's black watch, "I'm sorry...I read some of those letters you wrote while I was in the coma."

Tezuka's eyes widen and he stands up, "Who gave you the right to look through my things? You were never supposed to see those!"

"T-Tezuka, I'm sorry... I just-

Tezuka's eyes waver slightly, "No matter how bored you were, you shouldn't have touched those letters."

Fuji's voice quivers as he raises his voice, his eyes tearing up, "I only wanted to know more about you! You only show me this gentle face! I want to know your other sides too... the sides you showed the other Fuji. You don't want to show me because you fear it'll change me, that's it right? You are scared the other Fuji won't come back to you; that sweet, radiant Fuji that disappeared once I came long. But aren't I enough? You said you'd love me even if I never got my memories back! Can't you be satisfied with what I am right now?"

Tezuka sighs and sits by Fuji again, embracing him gently, "Calm down Shusuke." He pets his silky hair, "I'm sorry."

Fuji buries his face in Tezuka's chest, "Am I not good enough? Will you not settle for anything less than the other Fuji?"

Tezuka shakes his head, "It's not like that, I love you no matter what. I was just scared... I didn't want you to be disturbed by my behavior. I was going to wait a while before I told you what happened, maybe until you became more comfortable with me."

"I already am. This desire to know more about you...I think I'm falling in love with you again. No... I think I've never stopped loving you. The love has been engraved in my body and on my skin. I just had to be reminded."

Tezuka smiles, "I'm happy you finally realized that."

Fuji laughs, "Yeah, you've always been so confident in my love for you."

Tezuka gives him a kiss on the forehead, "Yes, because you've always expressed your love for me so well. Believe it or not, we were quite the lovey-dovey couple."

Fuji trails his fingers down Tezuka's left arm, "Can we be like that again? Even if it'll take some time..."

"Of course, that's what I want. Just don't push yourself."

Fuji touches Tezuka's watch again, tracing its shape and the small golden designs, "May I see? You are covering the scar with this watch aren't you?"

Tezuka slowly takes off his watch, somewhat scared to show Fuji,"I wish it hadn't scarred, but in a way it is good that it reminds me of my stupidity."

Fuji tenderly touches the scar; it was thin but quite visible. You can tell it was an attempt at suicide; it fills Fuji with sadness. He kisses the slightly tan scar, hoping that somehow in the future Tezuka will remember it for the kiss and not for his suicide attempt.

Tezuka caresses Fuji's cheek, "Thank you."

Fuji leans into the warm hand like a cat, "Hmm." Fuji loves the feeling of Tezuka's cold hands warming up every place they touch, as if the cold melts into tingles. Fuji kisses his hand again, trailing Tezuka's middle finger with his tongue, the small fire of desire slowly growing bigger. He takes Tezuka's middle finger into his mouth, sucking on it seductively.

"Shusuke, we can't." Tezuka pulls his finger out of Fuji's mouth, "Not yet, give it a bit more time."

Fuji sighs, "Why do we have to keep waiting? You said that just as long as I love you its fine, and we got that condition pretty much checked off our list."

"I don't want to rush things."

"For whose sake, mine? Because I've wanted you for a while now and all you do is push me away." Fuji leans in closer to Tezuka, "Come on, I know you want this even more than I do."

Tezuka runs his hand through his hair, "I do…but no. Not yet."

Fuji rolls his eyes and pouts, "Well then, at least give me a kiss."

Tezuka sighs and leans in, "Fine, but only one."

Fuji ghosts his lips over Tezuka's, "Because you'd lose control if we kiss more than once?" Their lips meet and Fuji slips his tongue into Tezuka's mouth, slowly exploring it. Tezuka welcomes him, teasing Fuji's tongue with his own while his hand grips Fuji's hair. Fuji presses himself against Tezuka, upping the level of passion in the kiss. His hands slip under Tezuka's shirt and touch his chest and abs while their tongues aggressively dance with each other.

Tezuka breaks the kiss, surprisingly out of breath, "Stop, this is getting dangerous."

Fuji's pacific ocean eyes glisten with lust, "But I want more." He climbs on top of Tezuka, blowing hot air into his ear, "Kunimitsu, please."


	6. Earlobes

Fuji licks Tezuka's ear, nibbling on it seductively, "What do you say?"

Tezuka gives in to his desires; Fuji is a master at seduction, "I've been holding back for months Shusuke, don't blame me if you can't move tomorrow."

Fuji chuckles, "That makes me even more excited; I want to see you riled up."

Tezuka kisses Fuji's pale neck, his hot breath against it, "I've missed you." His tongue traces its contours, changing between licking and sucking in order to leave a mark.

"Hn... my body is so sensitive right now."

Tezuka pushes Fuji onto the bed, looking at him up and down, "It's been so long since we've done this." He takes Fuji's hand and puts it to his heart, "My heart is beating uncontrollably."

Fuji blushes, his eyes glazing over," Me too, my heart feels like it's going to come out of my chest."

Tezuka lifts Fuji's shirt up, nipping his collar bone, "You are much more honest about your feelings now than you were in the past... I like it."

Fuji closes his eyes, "Hmm, really?"Fuji runs his hands up and down Tezuka's back.

Tezuka leaves a trail of kisses and countless love marks on Fuji's chest, leading towards his nipple. "But other than that, you haven't changed a bit." He sucks on Fuji's nipple, nipping and rolling the other with his free hand.

"Ah..mng."

"This sweet voice, it's exactly the same."

Tezuka continues to attack Fuji's taut nipples, causing his body to shiver and tremble. "It's like music."

Fuji bites his lip, " hnn... pervert."

Tezuka helps Fuji take off his shirt and also takes off his own in one swift motion. "You've made me this way."

Fuji reaches up and plays with Tezuka's earlobes, smirking, "Perverts have soft earlobes; you were born a pervert Tezuka."

Tezuka chuckles, "Don't most people have soft earlobes?"

"Yes, most people are perverts." Fuji slides his hand down Tezuka's stomach, unbuttoning his jeans, "Including me."

"What a surprise", Tezuka says in the most sarcastic voice he can muster.

"Who knew you could be sarcastic" Fuji says smiling. He pulls Tezuka in for another passionate kiss, one of his hands softly tugging Tezuka's brown hair while the other one travels into his boxers. His nail grazes over the head of Tezuka's stiff length.

Tezuka's breath hitches and he lets out a low moan, "How daring of you." Tezuka pulls off Fuji's pants and underwear. His hands travel to Fuji's backside, giving it a squeeze. He massages and assaults each cheek yet doesn't touch Fuji's entrance. "Do you think you have the patience to win this game?"

Fuji gasps "I don't, stop teasing me."

Tezuka rubs his entrance, going in slow circles, "Just as long as you stop teasing me."

Fuji starts pumping Tezuka's length, "T-Tezuka, please."

"Say Kunimitsu again."

"K-Kuni-mitsu"

Tezuka thrusts a finger into Fuji's entrance, keeping the same speed as Fuji's hands, "You've lost some of your sadistic touch." He licks Fuji's neck, whispering into his ear, "You've become quite the kitty."

Fuji looks into Tezuka's lust filled eyes, " I-Is that a bad thing?"

"No, I like all your sides." He thrusts a second digit into Fuji's entrance, speeding up the pace, "Especially your lewd side."

"Ahh ah ngh, i-idiot."

"Your hands are getting lazy Shusuke." Fuji closes his eyes, slowly drowning in pleasure, "nng how do you e-expect me t-to-"

Tezuka cuts Fuji off with a third digit, "It's fine, I like spoiling you."

"Haah, T-Tezuka..stop, I'm going to cum."

"Go ahead." Tezuka thrusts his fingers in with more force, hitting Fuji's prostate.

Fuji's head snaps back and he lets out a strangled moan, digging his nails into Tezuka's arm as he comes. He lets out a heavy sigh and slowly opens his eyes as he tries to catch his breath. He looks at Tezuka in a daze, his mind still recovering from the flash of white he experienced as he climaxed. He felt like a virgin all over again, those months of abstinence really did a number on him.

Tezuka smirks, obviously enjoying Fuji's newly found ultra sensitive side. "Tired already?"Tezuka kisses Fuji's forehead, "Let's stop here today, you are still recovering."

Fuji shakes his head, "No, I'm fine! Let's continue."

Tezuka gets off Fuji and sits up, "What if you pass out or something? I'd feel so bad that I wouldn't touch you for a month. Do you want that?"

Fuji shakes his head, slightly pouting, "And I thought I'd finally get to see you go wild."

"You will soon enough."

Fuji looks down at the bulge in Tezuka's pants, "What are you doing about that?"

"I'll take care of it. Go shower and sleep."

Fuji crawls over to Tezuka, positioning himself between his legs, "Let me at least do this much."

"Shusuke, you don't have to force- mmn."

Fuji engulfs Tezuka's length, his tongue running up and down the underside. His mouth moves on its own, remembering how Tezuka likes it through muscle memory. Fuji wonders of he is any good at this after all that time he was asleep but Tezuka's expression erases all his doubts. Fuji can't help but think that Tezuka is amazingly sexy. He has his eyes closed and his hand on Fuji's head, not pushing Fuji more onto his length but tugging softly on his hair. His other hand grasps a handful of the sheets as he tries to stop himself from thrusting into Fuji's mouth. His mouth is slightly open and he lets out low moans occasionally. Fuji forces himself to look away from the delectable sight in front of him since he is starting to get hard again.

"Shusuke..I'm almost there.." He says in a husky voice.

Fuji takes that as a sign to pick up the pace. He closes his eyes and sucks harder while listening to the rhythm of Tezuka's low pants. After hearing a loud grunt and feeling him shudder, Fuji's mouth fills with a warm liquid. He swallows and let's go of Tezuka's length, wiping his lips. "That was incredibly sexy."

Tezuka sighs and runs his hand through his hair, "You are still amazing with your mouth."

Fuji laughs, "That's good to know."

Tezuka kisses Fuji's forehead, "Let's go take a shower and then I'll make you some curry." He picks Fuji up before he could object, carrying him to the bathroom bridal style.

"Tezuka! Put me down! This is embarrassing."

"More embarrassing than what we just did?" Tezuka sits Fuji on the edge of the bathtub.

Fuji tries to hide his reddened cheeks; he is starting to feel embarrassed over their previous actions. Since he is already naked, Fuji just watches Tezuka take everything off and throwing the clothing to the side. He studies Tezuka's firm and muscular body, his eyes eventually making it to his crotch. Fuji forces himself to stare at the tiles before he burns a whole into Tezuka's skin.

Tezuka chuckles, "What were you staring at so intently?"

"I just noticed how fit you are. And that to top it all off, you are blessed with a big package."

"How are we going to keep this shower purely romantic if you keep thinking and spouting things like that."

"I can't help it! You are putting on a show in front of me!"

Tezuka puts a finger under Fuji's chin, "I'm just kidding Shusuke, I understand. You wouldn't believe the things that go on through my mind whenever I see you."

Fuji playfully pushes Tezuka away, "Stop looking at me like you want me for dinner and let's shower."

Tezuka turns on the warm water, "No bath today?"

"Not today, I still feel a bit out of it from our previous activities." He smiles, "We'll leave our romantic bath for tomorrow."

Tezuka helps Fuji sit on the shower stool, kneeling behind him, "Do you feel dizzy or drained?"

Fuji passes Tezuka the soap and the duck shaped sponge, "Not really, my legs just lost some of their strength."

Tezuka pours soap on the sponge and gently washes Fuji's pale back. He had done this countless times before but this time, Fuji's back looks much more delicate. He places a kiss on Fuji's neck, "You've lost so much weight."

Fuji turns around to face Tezuka, "With how amazing you cook, I'll gain it all back in no time." He takes the sponge away and starts to wash Tezuka's chest and stomach, "You worry too much. Turn around."

Tezuka turns to let Fuji wash his back, "I can never worry enough about you Shusuke."

Fuji pours shampoo on Tezuka's hair, "Close your eyes." He gently scrubs his head, letting his fingers work around Tezuka's brown locks. He remembers the familiar feelings of running his hands through these soft strands of hair. "I feel like half your worry stems from guilt. I need you to understand that none of this is your fault."

"It is my fault. I was the one driving; I should have been more careful."

Fuji takes the shower head off its holder and sprays Tezuka's head and body. "Turn around."

Tezuka turns again, "Why the face? It's the truth Shusuke."

Fuji's eyebrows furrow even more, "It's not! If you want to say that, then I have part of the blame as well. If I hadn't started that stupid argument then you would have been more alert. But even if you had been more alert, there is no way you could have predicted that a drunken truck driver was going to hit us!"

Tezuka caresses Fuji's cheek, "But I could have done more…"

Fuji shakes his head, taking the hand that is on his cheek and kissing it, "No you couldn't have. You aren't god. It was just something unfortunate that happened to two normal people. Please stop blaming yourself; it hurts me to see you take the blame."

"I'm sorry." He places a soft kiss on Fuji's lips, "I promise I'll try to."

Fuji nods, "Let's stop talking about such depressing things… will you wash my hair for me?"

"Of course." He washes Fuji's hair with the same gentleness his used to wash his body. "We used to do this every night. Since we started going out there was rarely a night we didn't at least shower together."

Fuji smirks, closing his eyes when Tezuka sprays him with water, "That means were quite the sexually active couple."

"We were, especially during our college years. We used to have sex almost every day."

Fuji turns the shower off, "I'm excited to get our routine going again."

Tezuka helps Fuji out of the shower room and passes him a towel, "That won't get started until you are physically recovered."

Fuji pouts, "Come on! How long are you going to make me wait?"

Tezuka wraps a towel around his waist, "Not too long." He takes another towel and dries Fuji's hair, smiling at Fuji's cute expressions.

Fuji softly jabs Tezuka in the side, "Jerk."

Tezuka places a plate of warm chicken curry and rice on Fuji's table mat, then one on his own. Fuji watches him busily walk around the kitchen. He turns the stove off, puts the remaining curry in a container in the fridge, and fills two glasses with iced tea. He returns to the table and sits across from Fuji, giving him his glass.

"You really need to stop tempting me like that."

Fuji smirks, "Like what? I swear I'm wearing boxers under this t-shirt."

Tezuka sighs, "But it looks like you aren't. Is this your way of getting back at me?"

"Yes, and I'm going to tempt you in every way I can."

"Ugh. This is going to be tough."

"This smells delicious; my mouth is watering." Fuji takes some curry and rice with his spoon and blows on it, eating it after it cools. "mmn…so good."

"I'm happy you like it. I rushed it a bit so next time I make it, it'll be better," Tezuka starts eating as well, occasionally watching Fuji happily eat his cooking.

After a few moments of eating in peaceful silence, Fuji looks up at Tezuka, "Hey Tezuka-

"Kunimitsu."

"Oh."

Tezuka smiles at Fuji, "I thought it would be nice if you start calling me by my first name again. But if you mind-

"I don't mind! I did it when we were…you know...but I didn't know if I could do it all the time."

"You can, Shusuke."

Fuji nods, "Okay…Kunimitsu."

Tezuka sips his tea, "What were you going to ask me before?"

"Oh, I was wondering if we ever told your parents about our relationship. Since my family knows and they approve, I was curious as to how your family took it."

"We never told them but they found out."

"How did they react?"

Tezuka sighs, "They disowned me."


	7. Looming Shadow

Fuji coughs, covering his mouth to avoid spitting out his curry, “What?!”

Tezuka chuckles, “There is no need to be so shocked Shusuke. It happened while we were in college and it isn’t a big deal anymore.”

“You always say it isn’t a big deal but I’d still like to know the details.”

“Well, it was mostly my father who insisted on disinheriting me. My mother and grandfather were a bit more accepting of our relationship, especially my mother. But they did not want to go against my father’s decision.”

Fuji finishes his curry, “How did they find out?”

Tezuka cleans his glasses while he continues the story, “Our neighbor told him she saw us kissing. Considering how reckless we were back them, I’m seriously surprised that they did not find out earlier. After they found out, the paperwork was completed and I was not allowed to see or talk to them for about two years. It was a bit tough, especially because I was really close to my grandfather. Since college life accustomed me to living alone, everything else came naturally.”

“Hmm…so, have you not talked to them since?”

Tezuka’s lips form a slight smile, “They came to see me at the hospital the day after I regained consciousness from our accident. They were very worried and repentant. Even my father shed a few tears, shaken by the fear of loosing his only son without telling him how much he loved him.”

Fuji’s expression brightens up, “So that means you’ve patched things up?”

“Not quite but it’s much better than before. My father is still a bit uncomfortable with our relationship but he promised he’d support me. And my mother and grandfather would love to talk to you again. We are in the process of nullifying my disinheritance.”

Fuji watches Tezuka clear the table “Well that’s a relief. I’d like to talk to them as well.”

“Good. I told them you woke up so they’ll probably visit in the next few days.”

“Hm.” Fuji stares at the bare walls absent-mindedly, “You should put up the pictures that were up here before.”

Tezuka looks over his shoulder while washing the dishes, “You sure you won’t mind them?

“It’d be a lie if I told you I don’t mind them even a bit, but I am working towards accepting the fact that the Fuji in those pictures is a part of me. And even though he looks a bit like a stranger, with every memory I get back, I’ll start seeing more and more of myself in him.”

Tezuka turns off the faucet and dries his hands. He walks over to Fuji, cupping his soft cheeks and giving him a kiss on the forehead. “I’m proud of you. That’s a huge step forward you are taking.”

Fuji gives him a bright smile, “It’s all thanks to your gentle guidance.”

Tezuka chuckles, “Now, look at who is being a sap.”

“I learn from the best, don’t I?”

“Well, I am a professor of the classics after all. That includes a mastery of the rose-colored Heian era.”

Fuji laughs, “Just don't start trying to swoon me with antiquated haikus and wakas, I beg you.”

Tezuka feels grateful to banter with Fuji like they did in the past. He gently runs his hand through Fuji’s honey brown hair, “Let’s head to bed. Since tomorrow is Saturday, I’ll take you to your studio.”

“Really?! Okay, let’s go to sleep.” Fuji stands up and lets Tezuka help him upstairs. Once in the room, Tezuka places Fuji down on the bed as usual, tucking him in gently. Fuji clings to him, “Wont you sleep with me from now on?”

“I want to but–“

“I promise I wont tempt you or anything. I just want you by my side.”

Tezuka nods, “Okay.” Tezuka slides under the covers and brings Fuji close in a strong embrace.

Fuji buries his face in Tezuka’s chest, heaving a content and blissful sigh. It is true, he felt most at peace when he was in Tezuka’s arms. Fuji nuzzles even closer, “I love you.”

“Me too. I love you dearly.”

That night, Fuji’s mind slips into a deep, calm sleep. Occasionally, soft and radiant memories of the times he spent in Tezuka’s arms, professing his love for him, seep into this tranquil state. Memories of romantic escapades in lakes, breezing nights on moonlit beaches, and sunny picnics fill his sleep with shades of warm colors.

* * *

 

“How far is it?”

“About 5 minutes; you usually took your bike there but you are obviously in no state to do that.”

Fuji shifts around in the passenger seat, a bit too excited to finally see his studio, “Yeah, but I will be soon. I was able to walk on my own today.”

“That’s true.”

“Are you going to miss carrying me like princess?”

“Who said I’d stop after you’ve healed.”

Fuji smiles gently, “You also have to be careful, you know. I heard from my mom that you shouldn’t strain your left arm. I know you are trying to act strong for me, in order to support me, but don’t overdo it.”

Tezuka sighs, “I know; I mainly use my right hand. Also, you weigh almost nothing.”

“Yeah, I lost a lot of weight. Good thing your cooking is so delicious. I’ll gain it back in no time.”

Tezuka pulls into the parking space of a small, rectangular house. “We are here.”

Fuji’s eyes light up and he rushes out of the car, vision glued to the sign on the building. “Fuji Photography” he mumbles to himself, laughing at the cute apple symbol in the middle. So even at this age he couldn't let go of the Fuji apple pun, typical. The studio’s outer walls are black with white, geometric detailing which exude a strong aura of chic. “It seems I didn’t lose my good taste or ridiculous sense of humor,” he comments out loud.

“Oh, the apple thing.” Tezuka chuckles as he walks to Fuji’s side, “Actually, everyone loves it. They think it’s charming.”

“What a relief. Also, did I get my inspiration for this color palette from you? It seems to be the epitome of serious and gloomy,” Fuji teases.

“How rude. I suggested you go with a cheerful color because it suited you best but you insisted on trying something sophisticated.”

“I see. Well, it looks amazing. I can’t wait to see the inside.”

Tezuka jingles a set of keys in front of Fuji, “You’ll need these. You think you can walk by yourself?”

Fuji takes the keys, “Of course. I can’t run, but I can walk pretty normally now.” He makes his way to the white door, successfully guessing the right key.

Tezuka looks at his watch, “Actually, someone else is also going to come today. I’m sure you probably don't remember but when you opened this shop you hired an assistant named Ryousuke.”

Fuji opens the door, only half-listening to what Tezuka is saying, “Ryousuke? Did I get popular enough that I actually needed help?”

“Yes. You made quite a name for yourself.” Tezuka turns on the light switches, bringing the studio to life.

“Wow.” Fuji runs his hand across the marble reception counter, “This is ridiculously nice.”

“I agree.” Tezuka takes his hand and opens a door towards the back, “This floor is for reception, with all the logistical planning and technical development happening in this back office. Upstairs is where you have your sets, props, etc.”

The room is decorated with vibrant photos, a few mac desktops, and a wide arrangement of photography equipment. “If I smile any more than this I think my face is going to crack,” Fuji states, squeezing Tezuka’s hand gleefully.

“I doubt that. Your face muscles are already used to those blinding smiles of yours; you just need to warm them up again.”

“Is that so.” Fuji turns to Tezuka, a mischievous glint in his eye, “So tell me, Kunimitsu. Did we ever hit it off in this office? I have a feeling we definitely did.”

“As expected, such ridiculous curve ball questions.”

“So? Did we?”

“Yes, we did. More times than I’d like to admit.”

Fuji smirks and pulls Tezuka closer, “Why don't we–

“Hello? Anyone here?” A low voice echoes from the front entrance of the studio.

Tezuka chuckles at Fuji’s sulking expression and turns his face towards the door, “We’re back here, Ryousuke.”

After a few moments the office door swings open and in steps a surprisingly attractive blond man. Fuji looks him up and down, trying to encourage his memory to remember something about this stranger, but nothing pops up. Ryousuke is about the same height as Tezuka, wearing a warm smile that makes you want to confide in him; the guy everyone likes and respects type of character. Fuji has always been good at reading people so he feels pretty confident that his analysis of this guy was accurate.

Ryousuke walks closer to Fuji and grins, “Nice to have you back, Fuji.”

But why, he wonders. Why does he have a small, creeping feeling that there is more to this guy than meets the eye?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is much shorter than normal because I just wanted to get it to you guys (and I've been dealing with writers block). I’m sure as my creative wheels start turning again, I’ll be writing normal length chapters.


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